As a member of the Philemon's noble crew, you've survived all kinds of inane shenanigans at the hands of that cruel mistress, space. You've stared down bounty hunters, fought robot uprisings, and navigated through the inky blackness. Most importantly, you've got enough stories to write a bestselling autobiography.

Unfortunately, your luck has run out, and you've found yourself crash-landed on a Tien-forsaken asteroid somewhere in the far reaches of the universe. Your ship's oxygen filters are compromised, and there's only a matter of time before your saga draws to a close. Two hours, to be precise.

Let's face it, there's no point in being noble any more. There's only a few things worth doing at this stage, and they're all designed to give you a short burst of meaningful happiness.
After all, it's not like your passionate outbursts could make the situation any worse, right?