Satori Rejuvenation Retreat Centre

Come find yourself again! Cast off the stress and pain of the modern world and rejuvenate yourself under the expert care of Dr. Greg Satori, healer and spiritual guide. The Satori Centre offers week-long and weekend breaks and can cater for the needs of any individual, couple, group or organization. Located in the scenic village of Hesstock on the grounds of histoic Redvers House, the Satori Centre is your gateway to a better tomorrow.

The Satori Centre offers:

• Yoga and relaxation therapy
  
• Directed meditation
  
• Quantum tunneling
  
• Expert counseling and open expression
  
• Celtic dreaming in the twilight of Wistman's Wood.
  

As a special introductory offer, the Satori Centre is pleased to offer 25% off any group bookings of four or more. Contact our bookings office for more information.

The Laundry offers excellent psychological care to its staff, including where necessary enforced "wellness breaks" at carefully vetted retreats so they can escape the horror of being the world's only ISO 9001 compliant occult intelligence agency. But this means that some poor sucker has to vet those retreats.

That poor sucker is you. Along with your colleagues, you've been sent for a team-building holiday at the Satori Institute. You'll need to do a little work there to make sure that the staff aren't spies or cultists and that everything is safe for future groups, but that's really just a formality. Really, you're getting a fully paid-for junket to a quiet resort. It'll be hell...


From: Monitoring (monitoring@laundry.gov.uk)
To: Investigations Duty Officer (investigations@laundry.gov.uk)
Date: Thursday, 5 June 2014 at 3:34pm
Subject: [PRIORITY: LOW] Public disturbance at US Embassy
Mailed-by: mailer-real-daemon.laundry.gov.uk
Signed-by: security-real-daemon.laundry.gov.uk

Probably a waste of time, but regs say you should send someone to check this out...

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Monitoring report
Keywords: LOVECRAFT

Time: Thursday, 5 June 2014 at 11:28am
Location: 24 Grosvenor Square, London W1A 2LQ Map
Source: Metropolitan Police Service

Incident description: Police called to US Embassy to deal with reported public disturbance (trespass, threatening behaviour, racial harassment). Responding officer (WPC Nadia Laytham 265CD) reported suspect had left scene. According to embassy staff suspect gave name as Howard Phillips LOVECRAFT and claimed to be US citizen in need of consular assistance but had no supporting documentation. Suspect appeared confused, became abusive when questioned, and engaged in racially harassing and threatening behaviour before departing. Suspect described as tall, gaunt, thin-faced with dark hair and wearing sweatshirt and trackpants; may be mentally disturbed or UI. Refer social services if sighted.

On a dead plateau, under unfamiliar stars, behind a wall of impaled, watchful corpses, an alien god sleeps. If they wake, the Sleeper in the Pyramid will set in motion a chain of events which will bring about CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN, the end of the world.

Now, a small band of intruders has breached the plateau, presumably with the intention of waking the Sleeper. And its the Laundry's job to stop them.

--
"The Laundry Files" is the rpg of Charles Stross's "Laundry" books, in which mathematics is magic and a secret UK spy agency - "The Laundry" - battles the forces of the Cthulhu Mythos. This scenario is from GOD GAME BLACK and contains spoilers for The Apocalypse Codex. A full mission briefing is available here

Sometimes, you can see the bad shit coming in advance. Take this email that just arrived, for example. On the surface, there is nothing wrong with it — just a form email from Human Resources, politely checking to make sure certain documents are in order. Do you have a valid passport? Are you inoculated against various tropical diseases? Did you pass your last medical check? All innocent on the surface, but something's up. The Laundry doesn't send people at your pay grade abroad except to mind-numbingly dull conference meetings and suicide missions; you are not sure which is worse.

Now you have another one - this time HR wants to know if your next of kin registration is still valid. Uh-oh...

The third email of the morning might as well be titled ‘RE: Bad Shit’. It is actually entitled ‘Meeting 10:30 room C4’ but the cc list includes someone called ventry@sis.gov.uk...

Welcome to sunny Nuristan—possibly the most isolated and inaccessible bit of Afghanistan, high in the Hindu Kush. It is home to lots of people who want to kill us all. It is also home to Alga Akhan, an Afghan warlord who might be a vital ally... or a worshipper of an alien god. Or both. It is up to the characters to make that call.

A Laundry Files adventure from Black Bag Jobs.

This briefing is classified BLUE HADES. If you do not have BLUE HADES clearance, please leave the room now.

"At 0944 this morning, communication with the Witch Bravo oil platform was lost. It was initially believed to be a combination of heavy weather and technical difficulties but when they continued to remain out of touch, Witch Charlie sent a chopper out. It couldn’t land because of high winds but the pilot noted two things.

"Firstly, there were crew moving about on deck. Actually, he said ‘stumbling’. Secondly, the gas flare from the rig was green.

"At 1602, a rescue boat from the coast guard made contact with the platform. The last transmission we got from them was, ‘Oh fuck, they’ve got glowing eyes’.

"Witch Bravo is right on the edge of an area designated in the Benthic Treaty as forbidden to humanity. Without wishing to prejudice your findings, it is entirely possible that some moron has drilled into Cthulhu’s arse-crack. If that's the case, then your job is to plug it.

"But first, a word from Health & Safety..."

A Laundry Files adventure from Black Bag Jobs. A full briefing is available here.

Welcome to Capital Laundry Services, AKA "The Laundry", the world's pre-eminent occult espionage organisation (and ISO9001 certified)! You are here because you have Seen Too Much, learned Secrets Man Was Not Meant To Know, delved into the darker pages of Knuth and von Junzst. As a result, you have been forcibly recruited. Your new job is to ensure that no-one else learns those things, and that reality (and the UK in particular) is not consumed by Gibbering Horrors from Beyond Space And Time. And that's just the accounts section...

As a new Laundry agent, you will be sent down to Dunwich for orientation training and field testing. Rail tickets (second class) to Great Yarmouth are enclosed. Before departure, please thoroughly review the Basic Health, Safety and Security Protocols document, and fill out the attached forms in triplicate.

Attached: HR 555 New Agent Details Form, HR 556 Health and Safety Declaration, IR3 Tax Code Declaration, HR 557 Next-of-kin Details